Hilarious: of moderate mozlems

"The Moderate Muslim: ‘Islam is against mass murder! Deep down, we’re just as lovely as you! er … Where’s the buffet?’"

- Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad. Source. # 26 of Contentions 15.

Moderate Islam is that of extreme apologeticism, forged in the fire of Protestantism. It is being shaped by the policy makers of Imperial Power of America through funding of "moderate voices." This is the greatest of pitfalls of terms because Muslim ummah is that of middle path, who always strives to be moderate in its actions and even in theory. We can no more use this currency anymore. Seyyed Hossein Nasr i believe came  with a better solution who is opposed both to modernism and fundamentalism. He places mainstream, orthodox Sunni-Shia dimension of Islam at the Centre, and judges all other sects or interpretations from their proximity to the Centre, to the Orthodoxy. Those interpretation which seek to by-pass 1400 years of orthodoxy, a diverse yet unified systematized development of an understanding of Islam, are extremists. It is so because they're away from the centre. This is both evident in the wrongdoings of Al-Qaeda and Progressive/Modernists/Re-formulationist (or Deformists) movements. There's at least one monograph dedicated to this very topic but which limited its scope to fundamentalism alone, edited by Joseph Lumbard (a Muslim scholar of Islam) entitled, Islam, Fundamentalism and the Betrayal of Tradition. There's now greater need of a detailed surgical analysis of modernist Islam as well.

"Extremism is not the Problem"

Image source.

"Extremism is as American as Apple Pie." Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

"Violence is." Argues Hamza Yusuf, especially when talking to Amerikanos about Muslims. He points out that Amerikano culture is based on all kinds of extremism. If you think that's true, be sure you don't know basic facts about Amerikanos :P

He's not arguing about 100% elimination of violence, rather persecution of dissenting voices, and dominance of one strand of thought over the other.

Without being apologetic about anything, one founder of a school of Law Imam Shafi or perhaps Imam Malik was asked by Khalifa Mansoor: i want to implement your interpretation on all of my dominion. To this Imam replied in an emphatic nay. In the presence of other towering luminaries and in the light of one's legitimate right to recourse to a differing expert opinion, he refused this historical choice that could've influenced heavily the religious and legal history of Muslims, perhaps. It is exactly the betrayal of tradition that sects have taken up arms against each other while we dialogue non-Muslims with such civility that bewilders a local who had the nightmare of watching sectarian strife. Of course, honorable, respectable academic intra-dialogue is only necessary and perhaps sufficient if executed.

'Mercenary Elites of Pakistan': Join the Bandwagon O Pakis!

In this article, i propose a simple, human resources solution to all ills of backward, savagic, extremist, poverty-ridden, illeterate, un-enlightened populace of Pakistan. (Its in the last para.)

In the US and NATO initiated war of terror - generously complemented with haughtiness, ignorance and pre-meditation - the mercenary elites of Pakistan under the leadership of that dictator (codename: you-know-who-only-lacked-sanity) championed the cause of humanity, justice and freedom (read: to kill innocents, be unjust & snatch freedom, esp. political freedom to choose govts they liked*). The "mercenary elites" of Pakistan composed of most educated and professional ones: military, bureacracy, hired politicians, US-sponsored or westernized journalists and academics. So it's not difficult to understand why they stress so much on (secular, wordly-only) education and on destroying indeginious madrassahs from the face of earth, which have always been independent, and inshaAllah will remain so.

However, our populace - the common believing men & women - have acted in “wrong faith”, against their own human nature by not imitating their leaders, aka killer mercenary elites. Why only should our liberal elite class have the privilege of working on ground for this project of "best last hope of the world" = USA?! Why do not "these" illeterate, radicalized, extremist 16 billion deluded Pakis mend themselves by their bootstraps? Do they not look at "ground realities" - the most logical argument? Perhaps these are the side-effects of malnourishment.

I failed to understand why our liberal elite is losing ground ever since they started licking imperialist powers' boots, starting with the treachary of Mir Jafir-o-Sadiq in 1800s. But, after years of contemplation, i've hint upon the true cause and its cure. Despite all treacheries and efforts to impose their infra-level ideologies on "deluded, extremist believers," little progress has been made due to little high-handedness of our elites. They should come few steps down, and pick the mike for the first time, for they've never explained their virtuous Dajjalic (aka, all goodness) schemes to the masses in the language the savages understand, no matter how vernacular, disgusting and lowly their local tongue may be. Make that amendment and you'll lo-and-behold and see how masses would flock to their destiny.

What's the destiny? What's the solution? What should the sub-human populace of Pakistan do to becomes acceptable to West and be happy and be Successful? Very simple. Em. US and NATO is on the move to enlighten 3rd world lately. They-who-don't-understand-or-believe-in-democracy need to be destroyed, even if it means destroying whole country, as in 99.99% of cases. For that soldiers are needed. Unfortunately, an American life is much more valuable (and costly too) than a non-Western. So all Pakis should join the battle against ignorance called anti-Americanism be America's boots on grounds. A-BOGS! Few dollars guaranteed with all perks a homeless American enjoys.

_______________________________
* Some lunatic in state deptt was asked about the fate of new political system in Iraq. He however was categorical to rule out any possibility of a democractically elected Islamic govt. alhamdulilah.

Two Bogeys Unidentified

This pair of pigeons were found in the morning in the outer side of the window. This was their initial position. They seem very curious and purposely sitting here looking for something.

In this close-up shot of suspected dossiers, you can see what they're up to.

Due to the noise of camera shot the bogeys fled away taking a defensive position on the top hill for heavy artillery fire at ground troops.

A Blasphemious Statement by Tea Ad

My blood is furious and restless after what i heard in an ad about tea and family women. Ad of Tea Max (by Haleeb) proclaims: "Even Khan's wife couldn't add taste to his tea..." Now you can presume that all the world of taste was in darkness and misery until our dear Tea Max Knight came to rescue Khan Sahib from the negativities of tasteless tea.

By now you'd have pin-pointed the blasphemy, better than Pak Army pinpointing firing choppers near its war academy. Its the women of home that add taste to anything! I heard Shaykh Hamza complain about the hasteness with which professional cooks cook meals and tea in hotels, comparing it with the sweetness and taste added to food and tea by her wife!

The statement in that ad is anti-social, wide off mark and a typical lie perpetrated by mindless advertisers who detach themselves from factual truths.

Why i didn't & don't like Mondays

:D this research has something cool to say. i receive a daily stat from Harvard Business blog. Following is its copy:

Stress Hormone is Higher on Monday Mornings

"Levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which has been linked to increased blood pressure and weakened immune responses, are higher in white-collar workers' saliva on Monday mornings than on Sunday mornings, says a study led by Jason Devereux of University College London. Cortisol levels in 77 people employed in health care, government, technology, and consulting averaged 16.80 nanomoles per liter on Sunday mornings, but 22.52 nanomoles per liter on Monday mornings. The higher levels of secretion may be in anticipation of a stressful day at work, the researchers say."

Source: An exploratory study to assess the impact of work demands and the anticipation of work on awakening via saliva cortisol

Bacha Pass ho Gaya! (Kid passed!)

And tale of two car manufacturing siblings...! Aayan and Maham (again!)...

Song: "Bacha Pass ho Gaya! Ben 10"


Song: "Mein nay gari banai" (I made a car)

Vending Machines: A Dream Gone Sour

Dawn Lahore, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2010. See page # 10, read an article by Miwa Suzuki.

Now, i bought this book on starting up a business of vending machine, which i didn't know about the time i bought it. Since it was published by a magazine called Entrepreneur and was about entrepreneurship, so i bought it blindly, also it was quite cheap. "People respond to incentives."

Today I read this article (see top) about flourishing and much saturated vending machine market in Japan, with only 2.5 million drink-selling machines generating 27 billion dollars last year. They've placed it everywhere from streets to the 'icy summits of Mount Fuji'.

So, this seems like a dream business idea. Pakistan's is filled with the absence of these machines. We can do reverse engineering and reinvent and redefine what a vending machine is, and spread it everywhere!

There's one little problem, and difference b/w how things work in Japan and Pakistan. In Japan, people are not the likely to crime than in Pakistan. That's why they've spread it everywhere.

I talked about this v machine to the cook at home. I surprised him how they're selling chilled bananas with mind-reading devices (that can tell with 75% success rate what you'd like most to purchase), and he said, "Yahan tou banday nahi miltay, machine kya bachay gi!" ('Here people are missing from home, who cares about a vending machine.')

I stopped day-dreaming and went back to my Philosopher's Corner in search of a billion dollar idea!

Of a court jester of Prophet Muhammad

Prophet Muhammad actually had a court jester, amazing, whom he loved.

Once he directed a blind person to do a thing. That man went and started beating Hazrat Usman, who was praying, in the mosque. And after prayer he inquired, "What's going on!?" He said, "I thought you were such a such person. Nouman told me to that." And Nouman snickering in corner.

Prophet used to smile on it. And Prophet was also called by a scholar a laughing Prophet. His face used to be filled with smile. But he never laughed out like we use to. And what a beautiful thing is said in the Quran, "And He is the One who made you laugh and made you cry."

* Notes taken from a talk by Sheikh Hamza Yusuf. Watch.

Competing on the edge

We read in our top strategy course a book called Competing on the Edge, written by a core academia-n at Standford. Was reminded of this book by this:

Work of Man & The Realm of Home

The following remark is attributed to the widow of Karl Marx: "How good it would have been if Karl had made some capital instead of writing so much about it!"

(Quoted in Remembering God, by Hassan Gai Eaton.)

Khanqah Nights: Kanwara-by-default

A group of friends, all wrapped in blankets at night in a khanqah.

A friend: (Talking to our teacher) Sir Umer is a very positive being, so he won't marry a negative one.

Another firend: And we know that positive-positive lead to a negative. This would be unacceptable for Umer as well.

Teacher: People don't change their nature, and become their own opposite. So Umer cannot choose to become negative himself.

First friend: So we reach to the conclusion that Umer is destined to remain a kanwara (single).

All burst in mild laughter.

What do you think?

Most recently my blog has been attacked (see comments) by some cyber-species who seem to be on a covert mission. What do you think who is behind this 'plot' against your most favorite blog:

1) America
2) Aliens
3) I don't know
4) Ammi say poch k bataon ga/gi (Would like to ask my mother...)

Please help us fight to save the blogoplanet.

A misunderstanding...

There is a little misunderstanding in the (sub-conscious) mind of my people about marriage. Most of them like to presume that a person can only qualify for marriage till he reaches the age of graduation ceremony. Ancients never had this problem. "Till a person reaches the age of puberty/the age of nikah (marriage)..."

Victims are us, eager young lads, not dictionaries (who read them?).

Collector's Edition: Exotic Letters

First time in the history of "Umer Toor Blog", we present you the collectors, the highly bizzare and exotic letters your keyboard might possibly be lacking. Behooold!

"ÀÁÂÄÃÅÆæàáâäãå; Çç; íÌìÍÎîÏï; ÉÈÊËëéèê; ÓÒÔÖÕØŒœóòôöõø; Ññ; ÙÚÛÜûüúù; ÝŸÿý.

©®™þÞض§ßÐð«»“”¿¡ñ…"

Note: Handle them with care, and if you're Muslim, then any kind of 'wudu' would be more appropriate.

The Rules of Communication

Military fascinates me, the way most of the Pakistani youth adore it, for even its outlook is very electrifying. Take for example the sternness of an army general. Like the one European (probably American or Britisher) who used to tell his junior comrades what he expects from them when he talks to them. He used to say:

I can't write what I mean; I can't say what I mean; but I want you to know what I mean.

I don't know whether they intend to be funny or not.

Watch It & Morose, For God's Love Sake!

This photo comes to you by the courtesy and craftiness of Photography Society, F.C.C. University, where I now study. If you have noticed anything else than the heaps of the wanton litter, it may be the blue sign board which (not surprisingly) engraved a message by our Earth Watch Society, worthy enough to be torn apart. It read, in the old days when all of F.C.C's dwellers could possibly be categorized as humans: "Don't Throw Litter on the Ground." But our Nazis could not resist their impulsive humanity. Neither could I. My instant reaction to this abuse of nature was like this:

"My God I can't believe how sarcastic you've become (addressing the photographer, an honorable man). Are you pointing to the utterly dull 'higher' animals, complete maniacs, filthy mutants, with brains no greater than a tiny nickel ring poor Matilda wears; hearts of whom are rotten more than a rat ran 'over by a van', and who are, to be precise, now-a-days known as Formanites?"

This of course is too inadequate, short and abrupt a reaction to be effective enough to move unbelievably retarded, clumsy and educated beings into swirling birds, idealists. This subject merits a book or two, or more than two, of voluminous size, because it would be about dreams, my countrymen and beyond. Allow me to illustrate my point. A batch of students goes from Pakistan to Germany, abode of learning, the later. And when they are asked on their return to the abode of (?), by our Dean, as to what they liked most of German universities - one single, unanimous answer was: Cleanliness of the campuses they visited (was breath-catching sir, if not unbelievable).

Anarchists may like to contend their egos by labeling such dreams as of 'Tree-Hugging'. So be it. I beg; you beg, at the least, one year of non-torture attitude towards our beloved outdoors and indoors, heavens and earth. But, the anarchists,

They should listen this:
'Tis always inherent in humans
The love of purity,
Which shall be so for eternity.

An Optimizing Rational Decision

Just before a boy enters the barbershop, the barber tells his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world.Watch." The barber puts a dollar in one open palm and 50 cents in the other and asks the kid, "Which do you want?" The boy takes the 50-cent coin and leaves.
"See?" says the barber, laughing. Later, the customer passes the boy, who is standing outside a candy store. "Why'd you take the 50-cents and not the dollar?" he asks.
"Because," says the boy, "the day I take the dollar, the game's over."!

- CONNIE BEHENSKY, Laugh, Reader's Digest. Feb. 2009.

In Economics, there is no great importance assigned to a perfect decision. Rather to that decision which can maximize one's profit, especially in the long run. I will be mentioning this 'trade-off' by the kid in my microeconomics class and see how many students label this trade-off, rationally, most appropriate one, if not best.

Islamic Language?

Although the ex-Senator Rick Sanatorium had good intentions for Islam and Muslims, but he probably did not work too much to be effective. He stated in a seminar at an American university, (without any offense), that:

"The Quran is perfect just the way it is, that's why it is only written in Islamic."

He has been loathed by all kind of language hats. Why should I remain behind, alluding to you not to embarrass yourself with this kind of a blooper? To correct the facts, Quran was revealed and written in Arabic and it is believed in the Tradition that the Koranic Arabic language inherently contains an eternal effect which gives its enchanter divine blessing or bliss. As we all know, Islamic is no know human language. Does this prove how little knowledge can be dangerous? It can be in many ways.

However, despite the fact that everyone is ridiculing ex-Senator, his intentions were very honest and need to be appreciated by everyone. His whole speech reflected the spirits of reconciliation, which is alone to be admired.

Globalization: The Pathos of Circular Definitions

'Sir, what is globalization?'

Coincidentally, just coincidentally, I am attending a special sociology course on globalization, and we are also supposed to know it the way it is taught and not the way things are. A common spectacle, I presume. Not know what scholars say and contest. Not know what history says. Not follow where history goes, and thus to analyze it properly. Not think outside of those trite, rotten and dry textbook definitions, which being absolutely devoid of any intellectual stimulation and enthusiasm only dull our minds.

'Son, it comes from the village', the answer comes back like a bullet.

[What about it???]

'You see, a village is were we all come from, or perhaps from urban areas, but villages are more prestigious, right? So all the problem it has got to do is not with the globalization, but with the village. And since there's always an outrageous chaudhary, (financially and socially the elite person(s) in a typical village, who dominates others in one way or another), out there, hence there are certains problems, you know'.

'No sir, I'm asking where did it come from, that globalization thing?'

'Oh! I see. It comes from the global village. And now, I know, you'd be intrigued enough to know, where did that come from. Therefore, I must tell you - from the village. Yes, I think. Now. Enlarge that village. Stretch it on a globe, one available in our library (a round model of globe). And, here we have a fine example of a global village. Further, son, the process of turning and transforming this village by stretching it on a plastic globe is what we, academically and commonly, refer to as globalization'.

*Huge applause*

The converstaion thus naturally ends here.

A sound echoing in our minds, 'And where did that come from, the village, SIR??? From globalization???'

Conclusion: We are but victims to the circular definitions of enlightened professors, who can profess it so easily and in the same fashion slip away.

'O earth! show me your nets!'

* Image source: http://www.cartoonweb.com/images/globalization/globalization5.gif