Strayness

I am running low on energy. Losing positive outlook I acquired over my BSc years. Those were nonetheless vague, sheepish years - though enjoyable and spicy. Logical conclusion was to carry on with line of expertise, but i chose to enter a new field: the law. I assumed advantages of having done a BSc would follow - they did, but I didn't exploit my advance reading and comprehension skills and did not hone writing skills.

The good parts: i am acquiring independent thinking in deciphering political-legal texts. I wish it continue and leads towards full-fledged learning of fundamental philosophical systems.

My belief in fundamental value of competency is reigniting. Cosmetics such as outward confidence, smooth talking, good dressing and familiarity with impressive jargon have lost much value in my eyes. The basic issue is of restoring self-esteem. It can only be long-term if i acquire competencies, insightful productive thought-patterns, positive behavioral traits and high-energy levels.

One major flaw in thinking has been total disregard for an overarching grand purpose and set of milestones in life. Fear of loss of wealth, honor and status are beyond me. They are fruits whom God bestows on whomever he wishes. My job is to think nobly of serving my people through my competences, manners and kindness. My job is to create legacy like my father has (in form of a school dedicated to quality education in his home village belt; in his untiring efforts to mediate peace, lead community welfare projects; take care of poor, orphans, relatives; through leadership at all levels). My job is to nurture my family and people around like my mother has so selflessly, endlessly.

Without these qualities I cannot live as a functional human being.