addiction

missing someone can be taxing on immune system, cause there is nothing else left to do than to eat.

the sadness powered by repeat playlist of time spent with beloved and endless iterations of new scenarios in which she is wooed, impressed, and won leave little time and energy to do anything else. why is that? why?

physical and geographical separation is an added blessing for the demons of love, further adding gasoline on fire. you miss her going to bed, getting out of it, nothing you do is somewhat unrelated and hence futile if it can't help get her. daydreaming becomes reality, and real life takes a back seat. you start missing deadlines, get sad, unenergetic, blue... why???

out of nowhere comes short lived bursts of hope and euphoria where beloved looks back with love and care and acceptance - moments as fleeting and short-lived as a fleeting thing...

in the back of mind there lurks painful "reality" or perception that beloved won't accept you as you are and you can't have her in your arms unaccidentally... avoidance of real world puts you in a downward spiral in fifth gear