The Language We Seek!

Following is a text, a comment on YouTube, by some reader who had some catastrophic experiences with standard language as a kid, perhaps it made him or her to sallow a bad medicine at that time. And as a consequence of those psycho-commotions, they provided us some reason to cry for them. The article, which treated the abuses of our dear language, is named "Ten YouTube Comments Translated into Standard English". Here are a few samples for your consideration:

Subject: Slipknot is Emo?

o, gawd...ya dont kno how retarded you ar do you!!??haha...emo...maybe tats wat you ar and tats why yur sayin tat...yur jus tryin to deny it huh!? im surprised you even kno the word 2000!!! haha!!! n00b!!! SLIPKNOT PWNZ and MAGGOT 4 LIFE!!!!!!

What We Think They Meant:

With all due respect, good sir, I must hereby declare your statement to be highly objectionable. In fact, your comment causes me to speculate whetheryou are afflicted with a learning disability so severe that it prevents you from fully comprehending your diminished mental capacity. I further theorize that you could be described to by today's youth as "emo", and by calling out others as such, I have concluded that you are in denial about this "emo" lifestyle, subject to the cultural stigmas and stereotypes associated therewith. I also believe you to be several years my junior and have little memory of the year 2000, which implies a sexual and cultural immaturity on your part. Newcomers to this website are often subject to ridicule and mockery because of their unfamiliarity with the it, an unfamiliarity I find to be intensely amusing. Lastly, I would like to state that I am a fan of the rock band Slipknot. I hereby pledge my support to this band – a band that endearingly refers to its fans as "maggots" --for the rest of my days. The words I have written above are to be conveyed with great enthusiasm and vigor.

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Subject: Miley Cyrus
wel sed. u dont ave 2 answer or owt but i just wna say i totally agree wiv u. every1 is so mean bout her wen she asnt actually dun anyfin 2 hurt YOU! so y dont u just leave her alone if u dont like then dont bother wacthn the videos. duh. peace x

What We Think They Meant:
Even though I do not expect a return of correspondence, I must heartily concur with what you have said. Furthermore, I would like to commend you on both the veracity of your statement and your well-crafted phrasing. Capital effort, indeed. I, too, am thoroughly and continually puzzled by the resentment that some parts of our society (although sometimes it feels like the whole of the world) directs toward Ms. Cyrus, especially considering that she has done nothing personally to impede anyone, at least to the best of my knowledge. If certain people find Ms. Cyrus to be distasteful, then I believe their efforts would be better spent viewing sites they actually find enjoyable, rather than subjecting themselves to content they do not care for. It befuddles me to think that someone would endeavor to waste their time on something that angers him/her so. I would also like to take this opportunity to convey a universal message of peace and love.

Read more here (reconstructions)

I do not intend to relate it to any of my readers. Or, perhaps to everyone, who is accustomed to such habits in the use of language. But, is not the plight of educated masses? These people, as I expect, belong to those societies where literacy rate is supposed to be 100%. 100%. And yet this much insanity....