Now

How dreadful seem to me the affairs of management and marketing (the later yet to study though). Afraid of repercussions. Will there be 'radiant repercussions' or catastrophic? The painful struggling for the purification.

I fear most being there at the helm of all affairs, dealing with the mothers of all messes, rather trying to be looking as if actually dealing. But when I think of myself. I am so faint-hearted. I cannot see blood-sucking injections injecting what? of course blood. I faint, almost always. The repercussions!

Office, work, stress, managing. Stress. Oh no! It's even more dreadful. It's harmful to my tissues, organs and brains. Where shall I go? They say that even intimate knowledge of stress becomes actual stress. But it shouldn't be this way, not now that I should feel stress. Fear of unknowns that has eaten up our independent scholars. What am I?

Its years away, the demons of work. I have more than six years at my disposal. They await me to be spent in the gracious gardens and legendary halls of universities and on and on and on. The burden of work; the burden of proof, why don't books trouble me now?

I cannot help myself shedding off the burden of proof as I sense the future being near, very near. I feel the moment it takes me to blink my eye that moment shall not last longer. The moment of leisure. Man is at the Loss side of the Income Statement and that is because he has time, which goes out somewhere in the apparent nothingness of space. Why I had to choose to write a 12-page Life Thinking Paper, in which I planned more than ten years ahead? Why couldn't I choose to invest that toil and visit the open green fields of my native village? Many friends of mine would have been more than eager to join me on those mild, cloudy and amorous fields. Why can't I now?

And the wild forests within me. The pugnacious animal. What of hedges? Worn out, rusty. What now, Sir? Now is life. And 'not now' is not life. [Hmm...] So that suggests, not contrary and not out of any uncertainty to the later proposition, which doesn't contradict the later suggestion to be stated to fulfill and enhance the scope of the former proposition and obviously not repellent to it in meaning, that active life is active consciousness. So what? For instance, I can put forward my own definition of life: Life is such a phenomenon (trying to be metaphilosophic) in which a Being experiences being in consciousness at now. I cannot be there, a point in time 10 years ahead of now. 

What now? I say let me live in now and dive in it so that I can behold it and surpass time.